So it’s 4am and I have been up with Skeet most of the night. I finally realized that I have cancer last night. I knew I had it, but it didn’t really sink in until my break down last night. Lots of sobbing in Jay’s arms. My concerns: the horrific nature of the surgery, cutting my neck wide open and being so close to major arteries and my trachea, if it’s in my parathyroid and/or lymph nodes, waking up to the pain, possible vomiting after the surgery, staying in the hospital without Jay, metastasis, dying on the table, not being able to breathe after from the swelling, the scar, the distance from my kids, the emotional distance from my kids post-surgery…

These are only some of the concerns I have. I do know that I have one of the best surgeons. He loves the hospital. He has been doing this for years. Despite not recognizing how hysterical I am, he is a great guy who is taking this whole thing very seriously. My tumor does not have a spine! I guess I am strong enough to deal with this. Life will go on. And I am sure it will be good. :-)